Welcome to MamaNeedJava! If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
I know this because sometimes I get these little epiphany’s (Oprah calls them “ah-hah” moments!) in the wee hours of the morning and later in the day come across quotes randomly in the course of my day which I can only describe as a good swipe to my hind end to drill in the whole “ah-hah” from earlier:
“For as long as you can remember, you have been a pleaser, depending on others to give you an identity. You need not look at that only in a negative way. You wanted to give your heart to others, and you did so quickly and easily. But now you are being asked to let go of all these self-made props and trust that God is enough for you. You must stop being a pleaser and reclaim your identity as a free self.” - Henri Nouwen
“You can deal with an enormous amount of success as well as an enormous amount of failure without losing your identity, because your identity is that you are the beloved. Long before your father and mother, your brothers and sisters, your teachers, your church, or any people touched you in a loving as well as in a wounding way-long before you were rejected by some person or praised by somebody else-that voice has been there always. “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” That love is there before you were born and will be there after you die.” - Henri Nouwen
The God’s Politics verse of the day the other day was a neat little snippet from Jesus about greed/materialism/possessions. I love the way this is put:
“And he said to them, ‘Take care! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of possessions.’” - Luke 12:15
And if Jesus said it, then, well, brothers and sisters — these are wise words indeed
I will be meditating on this for today and invite you to join me!
Our “normal” frugality (more like “spending see-saw”!) went a few steps further this past week, mainly due to the lack of paychecks I have endured to go on a monthly invoice with all clients (first month’s always a b—h when you try to adjust to a new plan - with no savings.)
I was delighted to find that we not only survived, we actually learned quite a bit about ourselves and thrived on the process of living simply. It was last week, while cutting Hubby’s hair, when I could feel the real sense of gratitude from him, that I remarked, “You know, I have to admit that sometimes I actually LIKE being poor.” We talked about how many things we would just go “out” and do, so many things we would go buy to “save time” if we had the money. So many long talks and healthy living aspects we would miss out on if we hopped in a car every time we had to go somewhere, or still had credit cards to buy impulsively at every turn.
With that in mind, we really stretched ourselves over the next few days. It’s not uncommon nowadays for us to go with only a few dollars (or negative a few dollars) to our name for at least a few days out of each month. And I mean, really. No credit cards to charge with, nothing in the bank, searching-couch-cushions-for-coins kinda broke. That means bills and even groceries, and mostly all those “wants”, have to wait until the next paycheck. Which always seems to come, eventually, and bills get paid — I add with much gratitude for the way life works.
I don’t share this because I want pity or charity or to toot our horns –(that’s the LAST thing I hope you get out of this!). I share because our journey of going into “credit card withdrawal” and making steps on the other side (which might sometimes appear fairly impoverished for many Americans but in reality we are rich in so many ways) has been incredibly insightful, and I hope it’s making lasting impressions on how we view life.
As I said, we had zero dollars to spend going into the weekend. Low on many groceries, including “staples”, we really had to improvise on how we ate and how we spent our time. One of the things we’ve been talking about lately is USING “negative” emotions as a fuel for the energy needed to find solutions and work on something that needs to change, rather than view them as either “bad” and ignore them — OR view them as reasons to indulge in selfish, impulsive, “acting up” types of behaviors and attitudes. We had just such an opportunity for this on Saturday. Completely broke, we could sit around thinking of ways to make or borrow money, or gripe and fight about our dissatisfaction, or complain about our low blood sugar (as I tend to do with my sweet tooth and no food in the house)! But instead we said, hey, let’s use this dissatisfaction as fuel for creative energy! (except we didn’t sound as cheesy as that.) We dug into some old (low VOC!) paint supplies and put our brains to work on some of the crappy furniture in our house we always complain about.
I swapped my office shelves (free on the side of the road last year) for him to use as a media tower next to the tv (which he painted dark brown with the same paint he used for the tv stand we painted last summer). I in turn took the smaller, 70’s “ugly” side table (with missing door) that we got for $5 at Rerun and painted it gray and did some artwork on top, to use as a printer stand in my slowly-being-funkified-office-corner.
We also became geniuses about our constant complaining of lack of counter space, wishing we had a small table or island for under the kitchen window on which to put our baskets of produce each week, when we realized we could take a table we got last year that is currently not used in the studio and rearrange the legs to make a small “half” table under the window! It was a fabulous way to reuse things we already had when we were itching for something “new” — and something to DO! — on a rainy Saturday. We continued the reorganizing/cleaning/decorating fest long into the evening.We had a large bowl of popcorn for dinner and blackberry pie for dessert (from the frozen blackberries I picked while camping last Fall!). (BTW, have to share that we found a few things to make pancakes on Saturday morning - whole wheat pastry flour, 1 1/2 cups of yogurt, and a handful of frozen blueberries- topped with a drizzle of honey once cooked! It was YUM!)
For Sunday, we HAD to leave the house for church, so we finally bit the bullet on a “to do list” item that’s been on the backburner. We pushed a cart of seriously TONS of books all the way to Powell’s and guess what - we got FIFTY BUCKS! (Boy, we felt like royalty!) On the way there, Hubby looks over as we huff and puff, me with my ol’ preggo self, and says, “Babe, I love you. And I love living in a place where it’s totally okay to be broke and pushing a granny cart of books down the road to get cash at the bookstore!” Again, we were having fun doing something that, were we NOT “poor”, we wouldn’t have experienced. We got a few essentials at the grocery store and headed home with money to spare for bus passes or whatever else “comes up” this week while we await our income. AND we finally have room on the bookshelf and aren’t complaining that we need a bigger one (two birds with one stone!). We spent the afternoon webcaming with grandparents while Hubby made his lunches for the week (quinoa, kale and beans — a seriously healthy, filling, and frugal lunch and a TREMENDOUS change for a guy who used to spend easily 50 bucks a week sometimes on lunch and snacks “out” at work!). Dinner was some frozen veggie hotdogs on whole wheat bread, followed by the simplest, cheapest cookies you can make: 1 cup peanut butter, 1 cup sugar (or healthy alternative!), and 1 egg. Bake at 350 for ten minutes and you got yourself some damn fine po’ folk pb cookies
Hubby also entertains himself quite a bit lately with yoga, (and if you know Hubby, you know this too is twilight zone behavior!) He won’t let me snap a photo of him, but I grabbed one of kitty. Both Lil’ E and Paz like to copy Hubby during his stretch time in the living room. We call this one “Jump-Out-and-Scare-Someone-Matrix-Style-Pose”:
I seriously doubt we would remain joyful about having no money (hence: no cheese, no coffee, no outings, no nuthin!) for an extended period of time (weeks?) but we certainly made the most of it and I’m proud of our little family for adjusting to ever more extremes of the “simple” life over the holiday season. (Hubby wants to avoid getting toilet paper until our next paycheck but that is where I DRAW THE LINE! lol) I’m also more convinced that time spent in relationship far outweighs time spent working harder to “make more”, and so long as we can manage the bare essentials of bills (no extra minutes, no home phone, no cable, no car!), the rest is worth the time and energy to learn to make home-made, play board games, reuse stuff around the house, get creative, and most of all- LAUGH together. May 2009 continue to be as frugally fun as our first weekend of the year!
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some pb cookies to devour
P.S. “WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS!?” I just have to add that it has also been interesting being frugal about the weird circle light in the bathroom that went out two weeks ago — hmmm… pooping and showering via candlelight — for realz. I just hope our electric bill thanks us! (Don’t worry, we plan to make a trip to the hardware store for a few much needed items like this on Saturday.)
P.S.S. Sorry for all the “!” and ” “, a bad blogging habit of mine.
In honor of New Year’s: Hubby’s hair journey as he patiently asks me daily to give him a haircut.
Before:
Okay, okay, so that’s not him…
But trust me, the do was bad. And professional haircuts are simply a luxury we cannot afford. SO - about once a month, with some bonding over the buzzing of the trimmer, we get him all purty again (and we just HAD to get this done in honor of the new year ):
There’s some things I really have to chew on for years, digesting only what my gut is ready for, one phase at a time.
I have a memory of a phone conversation 3 years ago in which I was commiserating on the benefits of an all fruit/veggie detox with my mom-in-law, and remarked, “I guess … wouldn’t it be better to do organic fruits and veggies? I mean, can you really detox with pesticides and everything on your food?” I sincerely wasn’t sure, just suspected the whole organic thing would be imperative to a true detox. At that time, I was all about “The Grocery Game”, clipping coupons, utilizing Walgreens rebates, shopping at the produce stand around the corner from my house (which consisted of extra cheap, extra ripe, extra sprayed produce that the supermarket wouldn’t take!). I had our grocery bill down to less than $40 per week! Everything I ate was cheap and on sale, as the most important factor was frugality. Albeit slightly “well-balanced”, we definitely did NOT try to eat chemical free.
But the little thought I had in that conversation lead me to do a little more research, which caught on like a bug. Over the years I discovered, somewhat organically (pun intended:)) the horrors of drinking cows milk (and wasn’t surprised, since I’m allergic to milk anyway) and then there was this post on the difference between refined vs unrefined eating, and this one when I discovered a local organic farm to pick from in central Florida. I got my hands on organic, raw, and vegan cookbooks to learn a bit more. (This eventually led to rethinking the toys we own and other homemaking thoughts.)
In the process, for this and many other reasons, we packed up and headed to the Pacific NW, where a world of new ways to live awaited me!
In Portland, I was able to embrace things I only dreamed about during Sara Snow shows, like a large farmers market of local and organic produce, co-ops, delivery bins, fresh bakeries, backyard chickens, oh my! It is sooooo fantastic to live in an area like this, (and yes, I know Portland isn’t the only one ). So, slowly, I’ve gotten a bit more comfortable with ever more “radical” ways to eat and live. As I said, these things happen over time; I’m not a Burger King to raw vegan overnight kinda gal. (And neither is Hubby, who still thinks there’s something funny about goat’s milk- though it was around longer than cow’s and is much easier to digest than cows, AND he loves goat cheese– go fig!)
What am I getting at? you ask.
(Good question. Like all my post’s, I don’t format or edit them for more than about 2 minutes so you get what you get.)
My long introduction is to eventually get to my point about new things I am trying, venturing into, and sold on. Things like making my own breads, kefir, and oat milk (info/recipes in the links) like I mentioned in my New Year’s Resolution post. Things that take a bit more time, taste a bit different, but the making of which benefits my family’s nutrition AND pocketbook. Being an upset digestive system (IBS) sufferer, I especially like the idea of furthering the journey towards homemade, organic, beneficial bacteria, whole grain eating.
Now NeoHippieMama’s got me thinking again about making my own soap and lotion, something I invested in waaaaay back when, but had to leave all my bulk supplies in Lakeland. Perhaps after I’ve gotten used to making the food stuff, I’ll tip toe into this other area, including simple, natural homemade laundry detergent, toothpaste, shampoo and dish soap, so I can buy bulk supplies, mix up batches, and wa-la. (Note: also want to make natural art supplies for me and E.)
Total aside, can I just say: Trader Joe’s - I love you. Let’s have babies. Thank you for supplying me with brownies I can make really fast and don’t have to feel guilty about (No-Fudge Pudge Brownies). I really needed a “treat” tonight. I discovered the lonesome box in the back of the pantry, added 3/4 cup of yogurt and enjoyed 35 minutes later with cinnamon sprinkled on top, accompanied by tea and a good book. Mmmmmm…
(I’ll have to tell you more about the book in this picture, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. It’s one we began to read 5 months ago but had to focus more on the marriage than parenting at that time. We’ve been reading aloud at night and so far it has been a wonderful resource in recognizing our faulty parenting styles and how to get better. One of the best parenting books I’ve ever read, actually.)
After much thought and prayer over the years, and even more of late, I’ve decided to HOMESCHOOL!
Debra was a wonderful resource with her big ol’ box of curriculum books and big ol’ mind of insights and experience. I realized the time commitment could be just right for my workload, and I have officially committed myself to pre-k through K. Lil’ E has begun so many things at this age, and has been asking me to teach him to read, and I just know he will thrive in a curriculum geared to his interest and intellectual level. So I’m back to the making learning boards and have ordered some of the books for this year (thanks, nana!) and will share my journey with ya’ll readers from time to time
I plan to start Jan-April and take some time off for the first two months that Verity is born (one of the beauties of homeschooling, I’ve learned, is that “summer” is whatever time of year works for your family!)
And I use some good Waldorf books, kids “learning spanish” books and cd’s, arts and craft project ideas and kids encyclopedia’s we already own and love. If you’re interested in which one’s, I’d be happy to share.
I anticipated this decision to be one that required *a bit* (ha!) of extra discipline and productivity on my part, and working 25 hours per week minimum was a stretch to my budget AND the daily rhythm I wrote out (and let’s not forget about nina nueva in less than FOUR MONTHS!). No sooner did I concede about that difficulty, I found out some great, GREAT news: I got a rate increase! A GOOD one! One that might mean I only need to work for one client and everything else I can freelance in my “free” time. How awesome is that?! It always seems to work this way, doesn’t it? I don’t see the “way” perfectly, but I make the decision I know is best, and sure enough, the money or whatever else kinda falls into place. (OR, lol, I DON’T do what my heart is telling me, go with my head, try to be practical and NEVER seem to get anywhere!!!)
Ok, back to work, coffee and croquignoles (cajun doughnuts! recipe below) and waiting for the ball to drop! Welcome, 2009! (psst… we’ve been reading books about the ball dropping to Ethan, and he really, really wanted to see it himself… sooooo we staged it! He took a late nap, stayed up like he was having dinner and doughnuts and waiting for it, and then we showed him a youtube version of last year’s! He was duped, too - counted down, made lots of noise on his instruments, screamed Happy New Year and kissed us, lol. Too cute. Went to bed at 8pm )
(p.s. Hubby is hilarious- in honor of new year’s he celebrated with a peruvian tradition: run around the block with a suitcase. Yeah, I know. I’m surprised he wasn’t mugged too.)
Croquignoles
FROM: Cajun Cuisine
INGREDIENTS
1/4 cup butter
1-1/2 cups sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla or almond flavoring
3 eggs
1 cup milk
4 teaspoons baking powder
Pinch of salt
4 cups flour
Oil for frying
Granulated or powdered sugar
Beat butter until soft; add sugar gradually and beat until mixture is light and fluffy.
Add vanilla or almond flavoring and the eggs, one at a time, beating after each addition. Add milk and mix well.
Mix baking powder, salt and flour together and add to the dry mixture, mixing well.
Place dough on a well-floured board and roll to 1/2-inch thickness; cut into rounds with a donut cutter.
Fry in oil at 375 degrees until lightly brown, turning to brown both sides. Drain on paper towels and sprinkle with granulated or powdered sugar.
- visiting S.C.R.A.P. next week with friendie Misty for cheap reused goodies to inject my craft bug with crack.
- discovering natural wood toy/craft items at bulk prices
- impending trip to FL and watching LOST Season 5 premiere with decade old friends (and the coming Season 4 from netflix! - tooooooo inject my Lost bug with crack )
- revisiting the possibility of being a homeschooling work-at-home mom tomorrow morning with Debra!
- new blogs to frequent: Debra’s above, as well as this one and this one.
- tomorrow’s plan to pack away Christmas, but move the tree to the backyard covered in bird seed ornaments to enjoy for another week or so from my window.
- the coffee in the french press RIGHT NOW… liquid la-huv.
- the amazing, not to be missed, knee high’s Hubby SCORED as a christmas”time” gift for me from nearby “Sofia’s” on Fremont. Will I ever take them off? Well, I have to shower eventually…
*there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home*
Speaking of goals, add this to my previous list of goals for this year and beyond:
- Focus lately on getting a few more marks on the right hand side rather than the left:
Characteristics of Functional and Dysfunctional Couples
1. Dysfunctional: Being together and unhappy is safer than being alone.
Functional: Being together brings us joy and happiness.
2. Dysfunctional: It is safer to be with other people than it is to be alone and intimate with our partner.
Functional: Being alone and intimate with our partner is as safe as being with other people.
3. Dysfunctional: If I really let my partner know what I’ve done or what I’m feeling and thinking (who I am), (s)he will leave me.
Functional: When I really let my partner know what I’ve done or what I’m thinking (who I am), it increases our intimacy. It’s met with acceptance.
4. Dysfunctional: It is easier to hide (medicate) our feelings through addictive/compulsive behavior than it is to express them.
Functional: We no longer need to hide and medicate our feelings through our addictive/compulsive behavior. We can express our feelings.
5. Dysfunctional: Being enmeshed and totally dependent with each other is perceived as being in love.
Functional: Being interdependent adds strength to the relationship.
6. Dysfunctional: We find it difficult to ask for what we need, both individually and as a couple.
Functional: We are learning to ask for what we need, both individually and a couple.
7. Dysfunctional: Being sexual is equal to being intimate.
Functional: Being sexual enhances our relationship (increases our intimacy).
8. Dysfunctional: We either avoid our problems or feel we are individually responsible for solving the problems we have as a couple.
Functional: We are learning to face our problems and not to feel individually responsible for solving the problems we have as a couple.
9. Dysfunctional: We believe that we must agree on everything.
Functional: We believe we don’t have to agree on everything.
10. Dysfunctional: We believe that we must enjoy the same things and have the same interests.
Functional: We believe we can have different interests and enjoy different things and enjoy being together.
11. Dysfunctional: We believe that to be a good couple we must be socially acceptable.
Functional: We don’t have to be socially acceptable.
12. Dysfunctional: We have forgotten how to play together.
Functional: We can play and have fun together.
13. Dysfunctional: It is safer to get upset about little issues than to express our true feelings about larger ones.
Functional: We are learning to express our true feelings about larger issues, and we are learning to resolve conflict.
14. Dysfunctional: It is easier to blame our partners than it is to accept our own responsibility.
Functional: We are learning to accept our individual responsibility.
15. Dysfunctional: We deal with conflict by getting totally out of control or by not arguing at all.
Functional: We are learning to deal with conflict and to fight fairly.
16. Dysfunctional: We experience ourselves as inadequate parents.
Functional: We accept our limitations as parents.
17. Dysfunctional: We are ashamed of ourselves as a couple.
Functional: We are proud of ourselves as a couple.
18. Dysfunctional: We repeat patterns of dysfunction from our families-of-origin.
Functional: We are recognizing and breaking the patterns of dysfunction from our families-of-origin.
Call it end-of-year itchy, maternal nesting, or psychosis, but me and goals are soul sista’s lately. To name a few… in no order of importance (and I hope to update the blog when something is accomplished throughout the year):
- Cut TV/movies to a minimum and institute a Family Night of games and creativity instead.
- Learn to knit (period) but most importantly: hats, leg warmers, and baby clothes, including cloth diaper covers
- Get a used sewing machine and finish up some drape/baby clothes/natural toys/etc dreams of mine.
- Learn to make (and commit to making!): my own bread and crackers, rice milk, kefir/yogurt and soap.
- Turn studio into place for guests and my writing, reading and craft-making adventures.
- For next 4 months, with Hubby, focus counseling and mentoring relationships on our parenting skills (and ISSUES)
- Launch new business (website) in order to attract more freelance clients (this will be realized in about a week!)
- Decide/commit on whether or not to homeschool Lil E for the next 2 years (meeting with some one about this this week! Yay!)
- Take online courses on website design and development to obtain credentials (haven’t heard back from an advisor I contacted last month, but its on the not-so-back backburner of mine - and its in good company with many other not forgotten, but not gotten around to lists.)
- Paint and photograph more artwork to beautify the home on a dime (accomplished 1 new painting and 2 new framed photographs this week, have more painting to do…)
- Continue my commitment to counseling, discover, healing and wholeness.
- Increase awareness of God in daily routines and increase involvement in church theology and service activities.
- Start seedlings of this year’s plantings indoors and successfully grow more than herbs and tomatoes this year.
- Strengthen my community/network of female/mommy friends in Portland.
- Gain less baby weight this time around, and lose it faster too! (So far so good- 24 weeks, weight gain at less than 15 pounds)
- Have a successful homebirth (the best laid plans, anyhow!)
- Learn to cut hair better since me, my son, and my Hubby all go to yours truly for their lousy haircuts (okay, they aren’t lousy, but they could be better, that’s for sure!)
- continue to make all debt payments on time, equaling over $10,000 by end of 2009 (nearly half my current income!)
- Figure out how to live the fullest life possible with the least amount of income as possible in order to achieve progress towards simplicity, enjoyment and balance.
I'm Vivian; a semi-normal, pregnant, homeschooling, coffee-lovin', carless, somewhat emergent, work-at-home-mom navigating the complexities of life on a bicycle with preschooler in tow. Enjoy the momblog smörgåsbord....
Coffee leads men to trifle away their time, scald their chops, and spend their money, all for a little base, black, thick, nasty, bitter, stinking nauseous puddle water. — The Women's Petition Against Coffee (1674)
One of the things we’ve been talking about lately is USING “negative” emotions as a fuel for the energy needed to find solutions and work on something that needs to change, rather than view them as either “bad” and ignore them — OR view them as reasons to indulge in selfish, impulsive, “acting up” types of behaviors and attitudes. We had just such an opportunity for this on Saturday. Completely broke, we could sit around thinking of ways to make or borrow money, or gripe and fight about our dissatisfaction, or complain about our low blood sugar (as I tend to do with my sweet tooth and no food in the house)! But instead we said, hey, let’s use this dissatisfaction as fuel for creative energy! (except we didn’t sound as cheesy as that.) We dug into some old (low VOC!) paint supplies and put our brains to work on some of the crappy furniture in our house we always complain about.
We continued the reorganizing/cleaning/decorating fest long into the evening.We had a large bowl of popcorn for dinner and blackberry pie for dessert (from the frozen blackberries I picked while camping last Fall!). (BTW, have to share that we found a few things to make pancakes on Saturday morning - whole wheat pastry flour, 1 1/2 cups of yogurt, and a handful of frozen blueberries- topped with a drizzle of honey once cooked! It was YUM!)
I'm Vivian; a semi-normal, pregnant, homeschooling, coffee-lovin', carless, somewhat emergent, work-at-home-mom navigating the complexities of life on a bicycle with preschooler in tow. Enjoy the momblog smörgåsbord....
